What does grandma need that new hip for anyway?

All she does is sit in front of the telly all day, smelling of wee. Worried about the kids' college fees? Tell them to take a gap-year (they'll learn far more that way). Got one more kidney than you actually need? Why not auction it on eBay? No spare change? Have you checked down the back of the sofa?

Come on, chaps, the Beagle Project needs your money. What else are you going to spend it on? Food?

Note to any young children reading this: Make sure you pester your parents to give lots of money to The Beagle Project. If they say no, it means they don't love you, and are probably planning to give you away to an orphanage.

Writer and photographer Richard Carter, FCD is the founder of the Friends of Charles Darwin. He lives in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire.WebsiteFacebookTwitterNewsletterBooks
Buy my book: On the Moor: Science, History and Nature on a Country Walk
“…wonderfully droll, witty and entertaining… At their best Carter’s moorland walks and his meandering intellectual talk are part of a single, deeply coherent enterprise: a restless inquiry into the meaning of place and the nature of self.”
Mark Cocker, author and naturalist
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